I like you so much I’m dating other people

Last night. 

We were sitting in his car with the heater turned to medium and the radio on low.

“At the very LEAST, I still want to be friends with you,” he said, awkwardly holding his beautiful hands (yes, I notice slash have a thing for hands) mid-air.

Hear that? I elbowed myself.

Yep. Got it.

The boy I’m kinda crazy about is, at once, terrified by how intensely I like him while still interested in seeing me. He has, however, requested one (in my mind) NOT-minor adjustment to our (I guess you could call it) relationship: that we not date exclusively.

“So does that mean you’ll be dating other people?” I asked.

“…yes.”

“Like, actively pursuing other relationships or just keeping the option open?” (Because come on, guys; there’s a difference.)

“Basically,” I interrupted myself, “if we continue dating, will you just like… TELL ME if you find someone else you’re interested in dating? So that I can immediately stop dating you?”

“So you mean just date you?”

“YES!” I agreed. Duh!

And we went around in circles like this for a while; me, low-key frustrated that he couldn’t commit to dating one person at a time (me, hello!) and him — well, he looked pretty darn cute; explaining it first this way and then that. It never really made sense to me. At ALL. But one time, he let it slip that he’s the jealous type.

“PERFECT! I’ve got it now, CK. Here’s what we’ll do. While you’re dating other people, I will also – even though I don’t WANT to – date other people until you’re SO jealous that you finally agree to just date me.”

I think he found this absurd, and guess what? SO DO I! It’s entirely ridiculous. Oh, the fiery hoops we jump through… (is that the right phrase? sounds a little odd).

Anyways, we hugged goodbye and then I told him, before bedtime, that I already had breakfast AND lunch dates lined up for the next day (aka today — although I didn’t; this was understood to be a joke). And so it begins (or, rather, continues).

As you’ve likely deduced, I’m – unfortunately – back on Bumble. And while I’m keeping my mind and heart open (because there ARE lots of interesting folks out there), I’m mostly (aka 99.999%) “dating” these other random dudes because there’s this ONE stinkin especially dorky ‘fraidy-cat GUY who I really, actually WANT to date.

i will always be this awkward

Still here (thinking dating’s real weird),

Aun Aqui