dating older

“What are you after?” I asked suddenly, sitting upright. “I’m not having sex with you tonight and I can’t be intimate with anyone without getting super attached…” I asked if he was looking for an actual relationship and he said he wasn’t sure. His lips were on me and his hands were everywhere and he said wasn’t sure.

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flow, creep, drip, crash

One consoling thing is that you can still sense the magic out there — you’re still getting some sparks: you feel them inside the cafe, down at the river, when you taste avocado; they just don’t stay with you.

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River Soul

I know that I fall in love too easily, and I also know (now) how dangerous love is, so I excused myself upstairs, crawled under my covers, and listened to the distant sounds of an open mic night: two guys sharing a microphone like they didn’t care at all.

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ready to go

Why am I not interesting or pretty or cool enough for you? What am I fundamentally MISSING that makes me so “other” from everyone else… so bleh and ehhhhhh and take-it-or-leave-it-but-better-just-leave-it?  

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The key to happiness (or at least neutrality)

“HA! I wish,” I murmured. Then, my heart sank again, sort of like it would the next day, when I would realize that my time had run out, and like it had a week before, when I had watched something truly beautiful appear to meet its end. 

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What makes me forget to eat

There’s no sense in asking it to leave, because it’s a one-way conversation, where I can hear everything it says but it registers nothing I say. Some days, we carry on together for miles… at other times, for mere minutes. 

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